A Monster?
by Ember Sage
Summary: Jasper POV after almost killing Bella at her birthday party. How will he deal with this almost fatal mistake? I stink at summaries. Better than it sounds! Please R&R!


**Note: I am not Stephenie Meyer, nor will I ever be. : ( Twilight belongs to her and not me, so ya. **

**This is my third ever fanfiction.**

**I want to be a writer someday, and I want to know how I can improve my writing skills, if I even have any. : )**

**If you could review when you are done you are so awesome!**

**This is the first of my fanfiction I have done from a guy's point of view, so sorry if its not very good. **

**Jasper and Alice are my favorite characters in Twilight, and so this is my second fanfiction about them.**

**Thanks for reading and enjoy!**

**JPOV**

Run, run. Was I a coward? I don't know. All I knew was that I was a monster. A sick monster. I had attempted to kill my brother's girlfriend! His life and soul. I would not be able to live with myself if I had.

I felt as if I had no control. No control over myself. I could not control my instincts. I could not control my craving for human blood. I did not deserve to exist. I didn't deserve anything. I wasn't worthy. Not of my wife, not of my family, not of anything.

I kept running. Faster and faster. I felt as if I could run to eternity and still want to run more. Running helped me forget my troubles for the time being. Run, run.

I ran until I reached the Canadian border. "You need to stop," I told myself. "You shouldn't be this cowardly, you need to go back and face them. If they want you to leave then you'll leave." Even believing and accepting this possibility, it was hard to imagine leaving my family, all of them. And of course, if Alice didn't want me anymore, I wouldn't disagree. I was a monster. She deserved better. I would miss her and never stop loving her of course, but if she wasn't happy while being with me I would not try to persuade her otherwise.

I sat down on a nearby tree stump. I was in a forest. The trees surrounding me offered cover. Cover from what I wasn't sure. All I knew was that they were reassuring. I put my hands in my head. What was I going to say to Edward when I returned? "Edward, I'm sorry I almost killed your girlfriend, I'll try not to do it again?" And what exactly would I say to Bella? "I'm sorry I almost tried to drain you of your blood, do you forgive me?" Just then I felt someone sit down next to me and a small hand began gently rubbing my back. It was Alice. I was so absorbed in my own problems I didn't even notice her approach. She must have followed me once she saw where I was.

"It's okay, Jasper, Edward forgives you, and Bella is angry at herself."

I looked into her eyes. They were sad, but not disappointed or angry. Just sad. I turned away. I could not bear to look at her. She was the opposite of me, an angel compared to a monster. She could do no wrong, while wrong was practically the point of my existence. I existed to do wrong, to murder the innocent. I didn't deserve to exist.

She leaned against my tall frame. She was perfect in every way. I didn't deserve her. No, I didn't. I should go away. I should leave her. I knew she could find someone else, someone better.

I sensed a sharp movement from the corner of my eyes. I looked up. She was standing with her hands on her hips directly in front of me. Her eyes were gently scolding.

"Jasper, why did I just have a vision of you going off without me?"

"I don't deserve you; you deserve someone better, not a monster." I muttered.

"Jasper," she relaxed her position. "You are my husband and I would love you even if you did feed on humans. I'll always love you no matter what, Always." She always knew what to say. Her words were somewhat comforting. She held her hand out to me as she did when we first met. I was conflicted. I knew if I took it I would have to face Edward and Bella and the rest of my family, but I could lose Alice if I didn't. I was still a coward, and I knew I was a monster at heart, but since the act of violence had not been committed, did that take away some of its severity? I didn't know, but I hoped so. All I knew for sure was that I was too much in love with Alice to not accept her hand. I made a decision. I decided to go with her, but if anyone so much considered the danger I brought to them, I would be gone. I then took her hand as I did all those years ago, trusting her, trusting her faith in me. We started walking when she stopped abruptly and turned to look at me.

"Jasper," she said, gazing into my eyes with so much love it was staggering.

"Yes, Alice?" I could barely breathe, and good thing I didn't need to, because her gaze was suffocating, in a pleasant way.

"I love you, Jasper." She stood on her toes to reach my mouth to give me a kiss.

"I love you too, Alice," I responded as we broke apart. "so much."

Then we began to run back home, back to our family.

**Is it any good? Please review so I know! If you have any constructive critisism for me it would be much, much appreciated! I'm thinking of continuing this by doing Alice's POV about what she was doing when Jasper left. It would be great if anybody has any advice for me! Once again, thanks for reading, and please review, it only takes a second and it makes my day! Thanks so much!**

**-Ember**

**P.S. Okay guys, this is Ember again. I just wanted to thank the few who decided to review me. Thank you all sooo much! When I saw I had some new reviews I almost started to jump up and down in excitement! :D They definitely did make my day. Someone suggested I do Edward's POV of the Bella's party, and I think that's a great idea! Once again, I'm not sure how good it will be, but I will definitely try to live up to your guys' expectations! It will probably be up on Thursday or Friday, because I'm going out of town tomorrow, but I just might have time to complete a draft of it tonight. I was absolutely thrilled to receive the compliments too! Also, I had a few suggestions on how to improve this story, and for the people that gave me that constructive critisism, is it any better? Is there any thing else I could improve on? Once again, thank you all soooo soooo much for reading, and reviewing!**


End file.
